In her book, Ultimate Love: A Life of Soul and Searching, Kitty Caley courageously opens her home and heart by sharing some of the intimate details of the precious life of her son, Chip. In doing so, she unconsciously causes us to reflect upon our own deeds and less upon the deeds of her son which led to his tragic death from AIDS. At first glance, one learns that the book is about a homosexual young man who dies of AIDS; consequently, one may conclude that his demise was his own doing. However, as one reads further into the book, one finds himself much like the outraged accusers who stood ready to condemn and stone the adulterous woman in the New Testament account. As these accusers listened to the Savior’s admonition that he who is without sin should cast the first stone, one by one, each accuser was compelled to drop his stone and examine his own life. The truths shared by Kitty in her book cause critics and accusers to re-examine themselves and drop their stones.
In particular, Kitty’s words are especially poignant in unmasking the sins of a father. As Kitty describes the layers of wounds and scars left behind by Chip’s father through his years of neglect and absence, one feels compelled to accept and love every child who has wandered far from heaven and home. This book is about the love and compassion of God that mothers so naturally mimic and replicate.
For men, the book serves as a reminder that they are also needed in the nurturing and rearing of children. It portrays the need for men to abandon their natural tendencies to be selfish and prideful. It calls on men to learn from their children and become submissive, meek, humble, patient, and full of love and to commit themselves to joyfully suffering and caring for their children each and every day.
As a therapist working with offenders, I often witness the negative effects of the absence of fathers in the lives of children. I’ve frequently seen young men turn to guns and drugs to compensate for the vulnerability and heartache of not having a father. This past year, I witnessed a fatherless young man, age 14, ask a middle-age gentleman who he had just met if he was married. When the older man replied that he was happily married, the young man disappointedly replied that he had hoped that he was single, so he could marry his mom and be his dad. Such desperate longing for the love and guidance from a father is not usually expressed so plainly and openly, but it is manifested in the many troubles in our society. Kitty is a witness to one of those troubles in her honest and heartfelt account in this book.
For this, I thank her and ask God to bless her in promoting her book.